(to Piper, who was trying to take his foam sword) "You can't have this sword; it's destined to be mine. Haven't you ever heard of a prophecy?"
"When I'm 15 I'm going to set my alarm for the middle of the night and get up and eat lots of junk food and then I'll brush my teeth so you'll never know. Except there will be throw up all over my bed from eating all that junk."
(telling me a bedtime story) "Once there was a boy who was all alone with no family or friends. When he was born, his mommy and daddy got shocked and died. So he didn't have food. But God sent down food and taught him how to eat it by using words. So he turned 2, then 3, then 4, then 5. Then he trained to be a ninja in a dojo. Then he battled a million-thousand-hundred men. But he was only at 1 percent. So he went **fighting noises** and he beat them! The End."
(Piper got hurt from climbing on something and then pouted a little. Xander turned to me) "That's why you shouldn't have got a girl baby! They're always causing mischief!"
"It's not that I don't want to clean my room, it's just that I don't feel like it!"
Me: Let's pretend we're in a big wrestling championship!
Xander: Why would we wrestle in chips? Let's pick something softer.
(Xander has decided he wants to run in a 1 mile Fun Run next month, and he's been training.)
Xander: Are you going to watch me in my race?!
Me: Of course! I'll be there cheering for you!
Xander: Okay, and you need to make a sign that says, "Go Xander" AND you need to be yelling "Go Xander go Xander go Xander go Xander" the whole time until the race is over. You have to yell the whole time. I guess you can take a short breather, but then start yelling again. And don't stop cheering until it's over. Or someone tells you to be quiet."